FREE SHIT Y'ALL!

ENTER NOW!!

First and foremost: observe the new shit a dope followup video to our OG Beer Pong video! Second, special thanks to portopong for giving us a whole bunch of their super bombad portable beer pong table rafty things which allowed us to film a moderately neat video. We want to share the love with all of you bright and beautiful young people (ugh fuck you guys) so we're having our first ever raffle type something or other!

THE GRANT PRIZE:

1 PORTOPONG FLOATING BEER PONG TABLE
6 BEERS
2 PING PONG BALLS
22 RED CUPS
32 OZ OF WATER

To Enter:
Step 1: Write hotdamntv.com on your body somewhere (preferably in sharpie)
Step 2: Take a picture of it and make it your facebook profile picture.
Step 3: Go to the hotdamntv.com facebook group and post a comment on
this flyer! This is your official entry!!
Step 4: ????
Step 5: Profit!

ENTRY DEADLINE: SEPTEMBER 11TH

Rules:
Drawing will be held no later than a week after contest deadline. POINTS WILL BE AWARDED FOR CREATIVITY AND SEXINESS ALSO.
Void where prohibited or something. If we draw your name and we check
your profile picture and you have either changed your
profile picture or it looks shooped you will receive fucking nothing.
Winner will be contacted via private message on facebook and we
reserve the right to use your image/likeness and/or post any
interactions with you on the internets. We might even pick two Grant
prize winners, think positive jerk. If you win and you live far away,
we’ll be really bitter about having to ship it to you and probably
won’t give you the beer because I think that’s illegal. If you're under
21 we probably won’t give you beer either, this is all
speculation and we’re going to have to check with the boys in legal.
We reserve the right to party with the winner, but we don’t want you to
try to pitch us any ideas for sketches because you are dumb.

So anyway that's the idea, so go to our facepile group.

EDIT: TK writes - observe this followup video featuring even more lobster murder:

Surprise, bitches

TK writes:
So this past weekend I called a photoshoot for all the major players in HotDamnTV. The pictures are eventually going to be on the new HotDamnTV home page, but first I thought I'd write embarrassing things on the blank signs and post it all over the internets.

An attempt to... derive comedy.

Well the time has come pals. I know why most of you are here, its for the dirt. My number. My ditry little secret. I am now going to attempt to

write one of the most brutal blogs I've ever posted. This blog is about failure.

Set the way back machine to.. oh golly, about the year 2006. It was a warm and bright summer full of potential. Full of cute nubile co-eds who weren't particularly interested in having sex with or near me. Little did I know it would be full.. of failure. And that was my first time. Like many of your first times it was full of embarrassment and ended in about 4.5 hours of crying (you can ask your Mom about that).

I have failed Calculus 9 times. Including this most recent one. Well I got a D, but I failed it. I am no closer to graduating college and I effectively wasted $500.00 which I could have spent dosing myself with GHB, but that is neither here nor there. (See transcript at left)

Let's take a look at the reasons why I failed Calculus, and then try to determine where to lay the blame. Which party is responsible.

Reasons I Failed:

• The Jewish run leftist media in Hollywood
• President Rutherford B. Hayes (First Lady Lucy Webb Hayes carried out her husband's orders to banish wines and liquors from the White House.)
• Not enough time, I worked part-time and full-time on mostly graveyard hours (not the best decision)
• THE UNIVERSITY VILLAGE when I lived there it was literally an AA meeting without the support and step filled programs, but with all of the serious alcohol dependency problems. (lol it was fun.)
• Lack of motivation, for the majority of my time at CSUF all of my tuition was paid for by the Veteran's Bill on account of my Dad being a real man and serving at the President's pleasure on his majesty's royal Navy. (See photo at right for an idea what a real man looks like)
• Lack of effort. I am by nature a very lazy person (read: SO much potential) and also afflicted by a fair-moderately serious case of ADD, so when there was a chance to let a class slide it always just kind of ended up being Calculus.
• Final Fantasy XI. I logged something like 2 years of real time playing (and not playing) that game. I was seriously addicted to that MMORPG, and it was definitely a major contributing factor to my plummeting GPA.
  

People Who's Fault It Isn't:

• Mine.
  

"Laugh and the world laughs with you - cry and you cry alone" - Legit Quotation

EDIT: Grant Writes: lol.. i mean 9.

lol internets

TK writes:

The internet is a strange, strange place. Where else can you find videos of people cutting off their own penises, bestiality, GlassAss, LemonParty, squid vagina, and double rainbows? (Alright, maybe I just watch too much weird porn DON'T JUDGE ME.) Recently, Dan sent me some stats and other information about HotDamnTV's website that makes me wonder if the people who watch my videos are as weird as me...

Fact #1: The countries that we get the most traffic from (besides USA) are China and South Korea. Now, I'm not sure how China even has access to HotDamnTV, since internets are like some kind of controlled substance over there. And I kind of wish it was north instead of south, because we all know North Korea is Best Korea. But I'm glad to have the support of our yellow friends.

Fact #2: Some really weird keywords come up in conjunction with HotDamnTV. Here are some of the more interesting ones:

- "Pain" (The #1 keyword. Possibly because our videos are so bad that they're painful to watch.)

- "22 inch dick" (Possibly because I have a really big cock.)

- "Comic Con" (Possibly because our Comic Con videos are awesome.)

- "Village on fire"

- "I can't fap to this"

- "Lorrie Bartlett and Chuck James ICM" (Megan Fox's agents, lol)

- "Animal rape"

- "Megan Fox hot sex tape"

- "Gymnast ass" (I blame Juliet, Dan's GF.)

- "Sarah McDown porn" (We shot a model for a HotDamnTV video like 2 or 3 years ago and she's getting more and more famous by the second. We don't have any porn of her, sorry.)

That's all I've got for now. Stay tuned, soon I'll post a blog about why being a Girls Gone Wild cameraman isn't nearly as cool as it sounds.

BEHIND THE SCENES - How to Sneak Into Comic Con

Here's a little nugget straight from the Special Edition DVD. Originally TK and I intended to have Dewbacks in the background of every scene, but the technology simply wasn't available at the time. In 20 years we are hoping the art and science of film will have advanced sufficiently, so we can take some of our perfectly good films and add a whole bunch of extra shit in order to make them seem bulky and poorly edited.

We would never just grab the camera and start shooting, that's unprofessional. We had a plan which developed into an outline which then transformed into a script. Like the kind grownups use when they make movies like "Piranha Part Two: The Spawning".

For the back to the drawing board scene we intended to have someone that could draw make us some spiffy blueprint style assault plans, like the ones a certain trademarked Coyote used to use to try to capture/molest a certain trademarked Roadrunner.

Alas, we were on a time crunch to release the video as soon as possible in order for it to stay relevant so we scrapped that plan and just edited what we had.


What you see here is a rough sketch I drew up in order to show Chris Allison what I was envisioning when I said a blueprint (for success).

In other news, check out the latest video: A Father's Legacy, in which certain things are said and majestic hawks are appreciated. (featuring Adam Rebotarro of Almost Porn acclaim)

BONUS:
I dare you to try entering that code when you're on our site (special thanks to Dan for typing the 1s and 0s.)

-G

EDIT: TK writes - I was so inspired by Grant's original artwork that I made a little comic of my own. Featuring Dan Beam as himself.

EDIT: Grant writes - I was so inspired by TK's original artwork that was inspired by my original artwork that I made a little comic of my own. Featuring Grant Paulis as me.

EDIT: Dan writes - I was so inspired by how awesome I am that I posted a little article of my own. It's about what I'm doing at work while Grant and TK draw stupid pictures in MSPaint and browse 4chan alone.