Welcome my little friends to the darker side of one of the most useful and spookiest places on the internets! This is HORRORS OF CRAIGSLIST~! Each thread of this tapestry of woe and misery will be woven together before your very eyes. Witness if you dare, the first installment that removes the rose tinted spectacles and reveals true unpleasantness and shocking audacity on the world's largest free classified page. Read on fellows, if you're a bad enough dude.
part ii: Free... SPIDER for $50?
OH MY GOD KIDS GET BACK IN THE CAR, Look at the size of that spider! I happened to be browsing the Free section (aka Le'Section Du Excellence) the other day and stumbled across this gem. Finding some savage trying to sell something for $50 in the free section is always a treat, but a varmint that he found behind his toilet? In Long Beach? By all the gods. I do applaud Adam's effort, I even decided to blur out his phone number. Kudos for being brave enough to put that up. I wonder who would respond to an advert like this? In my mind I imagine the conversation would go something like this:
TRANSCRIPT BEGINS:
**RING RING RING**
ADAM: Hello, this is like Adam and stuff.
CALLER: ~HEAVY BREATHING~
ADAM: HELLO? Enrique is that you vato?
CALLER: ~Clears throat~ H...hello, I am calling in regards to your~sharp inhale as voice changes pitch a bit higher and more frantic~
Spider, it looks really lovely and I think I could give it a good home is it still available I am driving around long beach now just in case I came all the way from La Canada Flintridge and I would really like it!
ADAM: (barely audible: Oh Jesus..) Umm, yea man but the price went u
p this is like a premium spider with all legs fully attached and shit esse.
CALLER: ~High pitched squeak~ So what you're saying is that it is available?
ADAM: Yea, I just said it was. Damn.
CALLER: And its Huge? You said you would be willing to trade, what can I do to make this happen?
ADAM: I dunno like unnn.... Maybe some rims or something? My little primo has this dope razor scooter and we wanna trick it out. I mean its like already pretty low to the ground, but rims would help eyyy.
CALLER: Done and done. What is your address. ~Sharp inhale~ I'll write it down in my palm pilot.
**TRANSCRIPT ENDS**
You know, and more like that. Only weirder. I hope to the dark lord of the Missed Connections section of Craigslist that someone actually answered this guy's ad. I am sure it must have been magical.
On
a scale of 1 to SPOOOKY this ad rates a 5/5 for meeting the following criteria: Holy shit what the fuck a spider? It was posted in the free section and your boy clearly wanted to get paid for a fucking spider he found in his bathroom! And finally because he seemed to think that someone might be willing to barter for a spider. He found. In his bathroom.
-G
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