Mailbag Day! Also Las Vegas.

TK writes:
Occasionally, people send us mails through the contact us page. Here are two that caught my eye.

msg #1:

kissmyasshumanity@fatcockinurass.com sent you a message:
"FUCK HUMANITY FUCK ALL OF U LAMES EAT SHIT DIE SLOW"

My reflections on this: Sometimes Internet Tough Guys eat too much Adderoll and discover caps lock all in the same day. I assume this person, who identified himself only as "compton" thinks that I was actually the reason that Humanity Festival got shut down early (either that, or he hates humanity in general, and he's slowly messaging every website in the world one at a time to let us all know). We get a lot of people like this. They can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that we're a sketch comedy group, and the things in our videos are NOT REALITY. (except for the whole Megan Fox thing. I totally had sex with her.)

msg #2:

"it would be hilarious if their was a skit of someone on drugs and bad stuff kept happening to him, like a guy jumps out with a shotgun and a clown mask and repeatedly says who wants to die!!! and I got a real shotgun you can use!"

My reflections on this: One of the best things about being the Creative Director of a comedy website is that people routinely pitch you the stupidest and most poorly thought out ideas on the planet. "Dude, you guys should like, make a video making fun of Kanye West or something, bro." Shut the fuck up.

Also, why the hell would I want to use A REAL FIREARM in a comedy sketch? That would be silly. In closing, this is what happened to me in Vegas this weekend:

Don't feel bad for me though, because after this I got to kiss a girl named Sara. But first, this happened:

lol firearms

TK writes:
Me and Grant equipped firearms yesterday, because that's what a man looks like. For your viewing pleasure, please observe the proper way to fire a Glock, among other guns.

ALSO SEAN.

Drinking Game: Willow

Hey there sportsfans, its time for another edition of the Friday Drink Game Bonanza Festival Happy Delight Time Conference and Raffle Conference! Also check out the new vidya about how rapes can be performed for fun and profit.

STEP 1: Get a hold of "Willow" starring That one Ewok and probably half of Wizard of Oz.
STEP 2: ???
RULES:
Drink when the following are said or heard:
-Willow or Auftgood (once)
-Willow Auftgood (twice)
-Burglecutt
-Prophecy
-Peck
-Troll(s)
-The brownies contradict each other
-Willow insists that he’s a great sorcerer
-When Bavmorta or anyone else says “Pig(s)”
-When Willow tells Mad Martagan that he is the greatest swordsman who ever lived or Mad Martagan says it.
-The triumphant Willow/Mad Martagan theme

Drink when the following are seen:
-A seriously mangy chicken
-When Willow goes sledding
-More than 9 midgets are visible on the screen
-Very obvious bluescreen that was probably really fresh back then
-Whenever the magic acorns are observed. Either singularly or in pairs
-Whenever Mad Martagan twirls his sword in an ridiculous fashion.

Finish your drink:
-Wanna Breed? MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm
-When Willow is inexplicably wet after a jump cut.

Final Thoughts:
David: Too much. However, take into account that David, Aldo and myself were drinking for like 6 hours before we started this game. Willow is a great movie and they definitely say his name more than enough. Grant: Great game. I'm the only one who actually drank every time it was warranted. Aldo: I dont know man I'm a quitter. Yea it was too much. Again o faithful and constant reader you must note that Aldo smorked ALL of the pot and was very drunk by the time we were half way through the movie. WIN.

Drinking Game: Robin Hood

Well i was supposed to post this on Friday. but i didn't, so ya know.. I apologize, seriously. Here's this weeks drinking game:

STEP 1: Get a hold of "The Adventures of Robin Hood" starring Errol Flynn
STEP 2: ???
RULES:
- Drink when the following are said:
- Robin Hood or Robin of Loxley
- Hearty Laughter

Drink when the following are seen:
- EPIC Capes *
- Anything is drank or spilled
- Peasants are abused
- Whenever the story is advanced via lobby cards (drink twice)
- Arrows come flying dramatically from nowhere
- One of Robin's men winks at another dude

Finish your drink:
- When Robin Hood splits an arrow in two during an archery tournament

Final Thoughts:
David: I thought it was fun. Could use perhaps one more rule. Grant: It got really slow near the end, not sure how to remedy that. Sean: Yea. I agree. Suggestions needed.

*Note on EPIC Capes: During the first half of the movie this only applies to capes that have a dramatic amount of velor or similar shimmery substances. The group must agree that the cape seen on screen is epic. During the latter half of the film this rule is relaxed a bit and any cape is acceptable, providing the group agrees. Cloaks count as well.

Its a lot like this:

Twofer Tuesday

Schedules are pretty important so I try to stick to postin shit on the regular, ya feel me? So even though its Monday I feel like posting this tonight, here's your double shot of some premium youtubs comment. SNL has been on point makin light of ICP and their Miracles video is no exception. Ever since the late 90's ICP has put at least one softer / nicer / friendlier song on their albums and they are definitely hit or miss. Case in point "Juggalo Homies" and "Miracles". One is an awesome anthem (greetings family members!) the other is a tongue in cheek affirmation of faith and wonder at the world around us with a bit too much thuggery thrown in. In any case this stuff is very funny, enjoy it while it lasts i'm sure it'll be taken down for copywrongs soon. For your pleasure the original by Insane Clown Posse (Fuckin magnets; How do they work!?) and the remake by SNL (Fuckin blankets; How do they work?):