Dear Greedo

TK writes:

Since we at HotDamnTV are hip and up-to-speed on all internet fads, we thought we'd post a little something relating to that brand new "Dear Sister" sketch that SNL just did a few days ago. Here it is, with no further ado:

Special thanks to Adam Rebottaro for being bored and making this. Adam is a cool guy, and his little sister is really cute. I might buy her a steak dinner.

DO NOT VISIT OUR SITE

As if we didn't have enough trouble trying to get people to look at our stupid website, what I'm assuming is racism is causing Firefox to categorize HotDamnTV.com as an "attack site". I would have fixed whatever bit of code (probably adsense related) is causing it to shot brox but unfortunately I have several obstacles to overcome:
First: Dan is currently braving the treacherous waters of the Black Coast (Mexico or something?) with his fair wench Juliet so he is unavailable for comment on how to go about fixing the internets. (See picture for an artists rendering of what that is probably like) So even if I was able to get a hold of him he is probably too busy ravishing her or pillaging any internets they might happen to have that close to the equator.

Second: I don't have any of the access codes to alter our tube-layout.

Third: I never technically graduated college (or 3rd grade) so I am woefully under qualified to even contemplate repairs of that magnitude.

Fourth: I think the now broken site looks kinda nifty. I say web 3.0 be damned! Let our site harken back to a time when pages were loaded full of animated gifs and bulleted lists!

So for now pals just use iE or something other than firefox unless you want our beautiful site that Dan worked so hard to build to look like this:


-G

BONUS ROUND:
The best crappy facepile targeted AD I've seen today:

An attempt to... derive comedy.

A true story, by Grant:

Today in Calculus class (i'll explain later) these two gals who sit in front of me and a bit to the left were talking with the Russian exchange fella who sits right behind them. I had spoken with them before but do not know them by name. Anyway, they were speaking with the Russian bloke about how he had gotten a 100% on the test and they went on to comment about how foreign exchange students are always really smart.

I immediately chimed in to let them know that,
"That is racist,"Several people who heard me laughed, but the gal indicated via red arrow did not appreciate my humor and began to say something very trite about their badgering Boris being some sort of "A and B conversation.." to which I responded,
"Well this is calculus so, what say I derive that and get a 1 on 1 conversation?"

I was very impressed with how quick I thought up a response. So were several of my classmates. This is basically a story about how cool I am.

-G

BONUS: Got this sext message from TK who is currently in Hawaii not surfing big waves:

Rave reviews!

TK writes:

Was up all night watching Watchmen with a pretty girl and playing MW2, and when I couldn't sleep I went on /b/. There, I engaged in a short internet conversation with the creator of memegenerator.net (even if you haven't heard of it there's a 90% chance you've seen content generated by it).

Anyways, he told me he thought the website was cool, and I thought I would brag about it because he's indirectly famous in the internet comedy world. I will now format his comments about HotDamnTV in the style of movie reviews on the back of a DVD jacket:

This is all Dan, though. Memegenerator's praise has nothing to do with the actual videos themselves. *sigh* Alright fuck it I'm going to Hawaii. L8

lol AIDS

TK writes:
There is nothing more nerve-wracking than getting tested for STDs. Especially when statistically speaking, I should definitely have some kind of herp-hiv-hybrid. When I think back to all of my recent sexual encounters, I feel a strange mix of nostalgia and concern:

-girl from my Girls Gone Wild tour

-Sara

-other Sara

-klepto Joe's Crab Shack waitress

-Lisa

-Any girl within 50 feet of me when I'm drunk

Since I'm a responsible slut, I routinely get blood work done. So I go to Planned Parenthood, and then to my doctor to get the total comprehensive picture of how dirty my cock is. Unfortunately, it's nothing like an episode of House where they just tell you the results in like 5 seconds. Apparently, they have ship to my blood (see pic^) and urine (What, you want to see a picture of my urine, you pervert?) to goddamn Antarctica for antigen tests and it takes like a week. The worst part is that Planned Parenthood tells you that they only call you if something is wrong. This means that every incoming call from an unknown number makes me go #2 in my pants.

After a while, the suspense starts getting to me: "What if they forgot? What if they got the lab tests mixed up? What if Doctor House forgot to take his Vicodin and wrote the wrong result?" Eventually, I break down and call Planned Parenthood to ask them what's going on with my junk. After placing me on hold for what seems like an eternity, they tell me my tests are all negative.

Finally, I can breathe. And have sex. I'M SO GLAD MY DICK IS CLEAN.