STOP THE PRESSES~

Breaking news fellas! We get to add one more thing to our already underwhelmingly impressive resume: AS SEEN ON ABC NIGHTLINE. You mad?



Not only were we on ABC, but this was syndicated through Yahoo and all over the interwebbings. So its on Yahoo and MSN and Hulu. The stuff that they borrowed from our video to use in their report begins at around 4:00. The best part is there is no mention of our website at all, so even though millions of people saw us no one will ever see the web site lol.

-G

Edit: The best part is that the only way we knew we were even on Nightline is just because Dan was at work making internets at Yahoo and then he noticed there was a picture of him on the page he was editing, and he was all like "lolwut I am fame?"

Twofer Tuesday

At the HotDamnTV Institute for Redistribution of Lulz, we are working hard all the time to make sure you see certain things. Most of them are supposed to be funny. When we're not trying to make girls laugh and/or have sex with us, my crew of villains get into some amusing shenanigans. Today's twofer is a double shot of some stuff me and/or pals do when we're not doing stupid stuff.


So this one time I met a pretty girl, on the internet. I know what you're thinking, a girl... on the interwebbys? Unpossible. But I checked, it is definitely possible. That's really a tale for another day. She happened to witness and record for posterity THE GREATEST GAME OF ROCKBAND EVER PLAYED ever, of all time. Special thanks go to our roving reporter/prettiest girl in Tennessee: Sarah.


Being the mayor of Bonita and Coronado affords one unique opportunities. Our 'Dad' was at a Padres game and some 76 owners were being honored and there was an opportunity to throw out the first pitch so of course he said "I'll be your huckleberry," and the rest was history. Put it right in there doctor! Please note that Billy is barefoot, and by throwing out a pitch barefoot he has stepped into the record books as the first person to do so. Wanna dispute that? Too bad, my stats are legit. BONUS: This is the first video fully edited by Grant (me).

-G

Twofer Tuesday

It's very important to us here at the hotdamchams to watch everything that is ever put up on youtube. EVER. Ya know, so we know about double rainbows and other wonderful things. Here is today's dose of astonishing, International Edition!



Our first vidya hails from the darkest heart of Germany. I'm not sure what the purpose is but it has something to do with the best fruit snack ever made and interpretative dance. It made me delirious with happiness.



I have a hypothetical situation for you, dear reader. What if HotDamnTV was from Brazil? Stay with me now. What if our talents included the following assets: Having a lazy eye, being nominally good at projectile vomiting (only one member of our crew), and trying to capture the fading glory of the jackass style of lulz vidya making*? You'd get something like this video. Bonus points if you follow their suggested videos until you find the one where they smoke hookah filtered through piss, then they throw up in that, then smoke that. Sheer genius.

Thats all for this week chums!

-G

(*NOTE: Calling it comedy would be like saying a kind word about Bernie Mac, and that just plain isn't happening.)

This was a triumph...

I'm making a note here: mild success (bordering on failure).

The Plan: To think up a neat way to give away some really shiny Cash & Prizes to our adoring fans and also do some guerrilla marketing. (Special thanks to the folks at portOpong.com!)

The Dream: People would enter our contest, and news would spread virally across the internets until we had so many people enter, when one winner finally emerged we would hear the plaintive cries of thousands of really disappointed Hotdammers.

The Reality: 6 people entered.

To understand my consternation I think we're going to need to look at some cold hard data.
We need to make asses out of you and me, in order to get the number I feel best represents the number of possible entries. We're going to assume that no one who just clicked onto the blog (the figures with the pretty graph) clicked on the video embedded there. We're also going to assume that all of the figures from the actual blog itself (the figure circled top left) were not from the same people that had previously visited the main blog site, but were perhaps linked there by pals or via search engine (our drinking games are apparently very popular when googling). Finally we're going to assume that everyone who observed the video also did so independently. This is my science, so fuck you I'm doing the ciphering. So maybe it's a generous amount of assuming but damn it Jim, I'm a comedian not a statistician!

If we take those figures and add how many people I'm friends with on facepile and how many people TK is friends with we come up with the following number of possible entries:
3126+402+225 = 3,753. So around 3,753 people that COULD have entered. We had 6. That's like 0.15% participation. That's lower than my cumulative GPA in every calculus class I've failed.

Perhaps the contest was too difficult? Perhaps people don't want free alcohol and bitchin' prizes. Maybe your parents don't like me (specifically) or you don't want to have sex with anyone involved with HotDamnTV. But I think we all know the reason why you didn't enter.-G

Drinking Game: pong

DEADLINE FOR OUR STUPID RAFFLE IS TOMORROW YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE !!1ONEone111!~ REMEMBER : FIRST PRIZE IS A PORTOPONG RAFT AND SOME BRICKABRACK AND HONORABLE MENTION WINS A FREE iPOD!

Not to steal thunder from that, but here is this Friday's drinking game.

This one was invented by me 'n Billy on a night when we got moderately slushed (you know it was a good night when you wake up and find your big toenail painted neon pink). For want of a better name I call this game pong, on account of it being a stripped down version of beer pong (ask your mom about being stripped down).

STEP 1: Gather the necessary equipment: a table approximately regulation beer pong length, 1 ping pong ball, 2 glass mugs (It is very important that they are glass), and enough beer to make me look attractive.

STEP 2: ???

RULES:

• Set the table up with one glass completely full in front of each player. The glasses should be in the center of the table, not farther than 12 inches from the edge.
• Flip a coin for possession or just start throwin' if you have the ball
• The object is to sink the ball in your opponents cup. No tricks, just skill against skill alone. If you sink it in their cup they have to drink the entire cup (remember you were supposed to fill it completely)
• If it bounces off the lip (it will be obvious because with a glass cup or mug it'll make a distinctive PING noise) you take a sip.
• Optional: If the game is going a bit too slowly for you Grandma than you can drink every time it even hits the cup.

Final Thoughts:

Billy could not be reached for comment at this time, but I can say that he gets awfully competitive and the look of hatred on his face the first time I sunk it in his mostly full glass was enough to make me want to give him a bottle of Seagrams 7 Whiskey at the river as an alternative. He became quite a bit more chipper when he made it into 2 of my full glasses. I heartily endorse this drinking game! Keep studying kids.

NEVER 4GET

TK writes:

In honor of 9-11 we are giving away prizes. So that we may never forget. Click here to maybe get free stuff. Seriously, enter this contest. It will take like 2 seconds and you might get one of these cool beer pong tables. For free. We tried posting this contest a week or so ago but not enough people participated, so we're trying a new method: an appeal to patriotism. If free prizes won't drive you to enter this contest, maybe guilt will. IF YOU DONT ENTER THE CONTEST THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON. WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF FREEDOM HATER?

In other news, Grant may have accidentally started an amazing Facebook trend: while messing around on facebook at work he changed his profile picture to a pic of Dan, our webmaster. And then everyone started doing it, and Dan Fever has been spreading like wildfire ever since. Feel free to jump on this bandwagon yourself, here's the pic everyone's using.

And while we're on the subject of Dan, lets talk about a new TV pilot that HotDamnTV just got picked up by HDNet. It's called "Lazer Beams", here's a promo trailer:

Thirsty for more asinine videos? Well fret no more, because soon we'll be rolling out a new sketch entitled: "Routine Oil Change".