Monday, April 26, 2010

Drinking Game: Robin Hood

Well i was supposed to post this on Friday. but i didn't, so ya know.. I apologize, seriously. Here's this weeks drinking game:

STEP 1: Get a hold of "The Adventures of Robin Hood" starring Errol Flynn
STEP 2: ???
- Drink when the following are said:
- Robin Hood or Robin of Loxley
- Hearty Laughter

Drink when the following are seen:
- EPIC Capes *
- Anything is drank or spilled
- Peasants are abused
- Whenever the story is advanced via lobby cards (drink twice)
- Arrows come flying dramatically from nowhere
- One of Robin's men winks at another dude

Finish your drink:
- When Robin Hood splits an arrow in two during an archery tournament

Final Thoughts:
David: I thought it was fun. Could use perhaps one more rule. Grant: It got really slow near the end, not sure how to remedy that. Sean: Yea. I agree. Suggestions needed.

*Note on EPIC Capes: During the first half of the movie this only applies to capes that have a dramatic amount of velor or similar shimmery substances. The group must agree that the cape seen on screen is epic. During the latter half of the film this rule is relaxed a bit and any cape is acceptable, providing the group agrees. Cloaks count as well.

Its a lot like this:

Monday, April 19, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

Schedules are pretty important so I try to stick to postin shit on the regular, ya feel me? So even though its Monday I feel like posting this tonight, here's your double shot of some premium youtubs comment. SNL has been on point makin light of ICP and their Miracles video is no exception. Ever since the late 90's ICP has put at least one softer / nicer / friendlier song on their albums and they are definitely hit or miss. Case in point "Juggalo Homies" and "Miracles". One is an awesome anthem (greetings family members!) the other is a tongue in cheek affirmation of faith and wonder at the world around us with a bit too much thuggery thrown in. In any case this stuff is very funny, enjoy it while it lasts i'm sure it'll be taken down for copywrongs soon. For your pleasure the original by Insane Clown Posse (Fuckin magnets; How do they work!?) and the remake by SNL (Fuckin blankets; How do they work?):

Friday, April 16, 2010

Drinking Game: The Crow

I have made a commitment to keep posting drinking games, sorta like committing to going to 12 step meetings or rehab. Tonight's drinking game is all about The Crow (RIP the 9.4 crows that died to make that movie, cold hearted bastards)

STEP 1: Get a hold of THE CROW (1994)
STEP 2: ???
Drink every time the following words or phrases are said:
- Crow noises (coo coo coo)
- "Fire it up!"
- "Can't rain all the time"
- “What in the shit” (Finish your beer)
- "Abashed the devil stood and felt how awful goodness was.. (its pornography)" (Finish beer)

Drink every time the following are seen:
- Whenever someone dies (take a shot / finish beer)
- Awkwardly incestuous moments between Top Dollar and his "sister"
- A crow/crows
- Someone drinks or references beer (Smokes and road beers, be quick about it)
- Bitches are unaware of Brandon Lee's invulnerability (reaction to it)

End Game:
Show's over after the credits role and Sarah finishes up her monologue. Gratz CAW CAW CAWWWWW. (finish your beer! NOTE: if you have less than 50% of a beer left you must open a new one and finish that)

Sean and David invented this game so they get full credit. Like the Conan drinking game this one is not for the faint of heart. Though it may seem light in the rules department trust me it is all you need. You'll find yourself arguing the point of whether crow presence counts as one shot or one scene, use your own discretion about this similar to the Snakes and Black Suns from Conan (brutal).

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Doin Big Boy Things

Not much to report, some exciting shit in the works. As the un-creative director I am pretty good at producing certain things, so I've got two great ideas for some new footage. Unfortunately without Tom here to edit it all together and no one else to shoot it we're not going to do SHIT. You got a problem with that? Huh? HUH?! Well guess what (See Pic). Lol but srsly strap your mane down to your melon because our next shit is guaranteed to blow your mind. Stay tuned for tomorrow for the weekly drinking game!

BONUS ROUND: Photo submitted by one of our 3 fans (moms and Jakes not included), after the success of the iPhone commercial APPLE sponsors a joint iPad venture:

Photo Credit: Sarah (Prettiest girl on the internets)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Drinking Game: Conan The Barbarian

I just remembered a few months ago TK told me to post drinking games, so I've decided to finaly do that. I am world renowned for creating drinking games to go along with movies and TV shows, but the one I'm particularly proud of is the Conan drinking game.

STEP 1: Get a hold of CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982)
STEP 2: ???
Drink every time the following words or phrases are said:
- Crom
- Steel
- Doom
- Flesh
- “Do you wanna live forever?”
- “Contemplate this on the tree of woe” (Finish your beer)
- “I did it!!.. With my spear!” (Finish your beer)

Drink every time the following are seen:
- Any awkwardly gay moments
- Two snakes coming together over a black sun (or a description of the same)
- Nudity (consists of two visible female nipples on the screen at one time)
- Whenever Conan drinks anything or passes out into a bowl of gruel
- A guy fucking a llama (Finish your beer)

End Game:
When you get to the credits, with the snake symbol (finish your beer! NOTE: if you have less than 50% of a beer left you must open a new one and finish that)

Congratulations, you are some kind of fucking barbarian and you have finished the game.

If you aren't fair to proper sloshed by the end of the film then you aren't doing it right. In the grim winter of 2007 we created this game at my brother's old house on Del Sol. As I recall David, Jake, Marissa, Sean and myself were playing/creating it. The hippies and their dog may have been there too.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

On Wednesday I'm Burgin', HARD.

We here at Hot Damn TV sure do appreciate a tasty hamburger (fuck you brontosaurus hippie wannabes, John Wayne died with 2 pounds of undigested red meat in his belly). One of our favorite places to obtain delicious treats when we are burgin' extra hard is Carls Jr. But we don't just order off the menu and accept what our lord and savior Carl Karcher would have us accept as his sacrement, nay we order our shit HOT DAMN style. To order an item HOT DAMN style you need only do the following:
- Sub Pepperjack Cheese (if applicable)
- Sub Santa Fe Sauce (or add if applicable)
- Add Red Onions
- Add Jalapenos

Literally all of these earthshakingly acceptable modifications are free. Often times you can find yourself with a much tastier burger by simply making it hotdamn style. Take the Big Carl for example (aka Carls Jr's "FUCK YOU MCDONALDS" burger):

It comes with America(fuckyea)n Cheese so you need only ask to Substitute PepperJack Cheese (Fig.C). It does not come with red onions so you must add them (Fig.B), same with Jalapenos (Fig.D). It initially comes with Classic Sauce but do not accept this, DEMAND to substitute Santa Fe Sauce (Fig.A lol its a Hyundai Santa Fe).

PRO TIP: Do not forget to SUB Santa Fe Sauce because it will taste like ass if you have both sauces battling it out for saucepremacy atop your taste buds.

TK has personally eaten well over 9,000 HOT DAMN style Spicy Chickens, and has woken me up from a drunken stupor many a time by hucking a Carl's bag at my head. At first I was like ! But then I was all ^_^. The recipe for that is:

1 Spicy Chicken Sammich
Sub Santa Fe Sauce
Add Red Onions and Jalapenos
(As it does not come with cheese initially and we refuse to pay 30 cents extra the pepperjack cheese is not applicable)

PRO TIP: Get House Dressing on the side for extra joy.

Be sure to demand that the employee refer to your burger as a HOT DAMN style Spicy Chicken or Big Carl (lol viral marketing). Also for those of you keeping count, a Jalapeno Burger (with almost exactly the same stuff as the HOT DAMN Style Big Carl) costs like 4 bucks and some change and comes with 1 patty and 1 piece of cheese. The Big Carl comes with 2 patties and 2 cheeses and is like 2-3 bucks. ??? Profit.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Today is Twos Deigh.

In lieu of actually creating Original Comment I have decided to just share with you one of the most incredible videos ever, and it being twos deigh I have decided two would be a cool guy: