Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

Good news everyone! HotDamnTV has secured another exclusive interview for you to snack on like a whole box full of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies(SFW) (soooo delicious). Last week we interviewed incredibly gorgeous adult film super star Madelyn Marie(SFW) (click for her titter account). We're still in the process of editing Click here to watch the interview! In the mean time here is a trailer for the recently released blockbuster Bat FXXX (SFW, don't be scurred)!

You may have noted that Madelyn(SFW) was the curvacious Catwoman(SFW). Our interview features her first public appearance in the actual costume. I haven't bought or seen any legit adult films in quite a while so I really didn't know what I was getting into when I popped in Disc 1/2 of this massive porn epic. I have to say it is pretty rad, I don't want to spoil it but it packs a lot of talent into a small space, if you know what I mean. HotDamnTV highly recommends you pick up this DVD.
BONUS: Bluebird Films is giving away an iPad loaded full of their hottest films(NSFW unless you've got a pretty cool boss). So click and after the jump you can enjoy either the trailer for Bat Fxxx or Bonnie & Clyde and then enter to win! (you may already be a wiener)

This second offering is actually the basis for a film we're going to be making here at HotDamnTV, only TK will be playing the role of all of the zombies and Rip Rockwell, and The French Girl will be playing the role of Suzie Cheesecake. I've been looking for an excuse to use this in a blog toast for a long time, just so happens we're talking about porn and 'tis the season for Zombies. Similar to a lot of our stuff, I can't believe this hasn't gone more viral than Ebola. That's all for this Tuesday kids! If we don't see ya before then, have a Happy Halloween. Drive fast and take chances.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

A large chunk HotDamChams is back from a pretty epic road trip so we (me,specifically) figured we'd get back to the regularly scheduled programming and share some vidyas with you that you may not have observed. Unless you have seen them in which case fuck you, watch them again. We like to educate and entertain, so today we're going to be exploring how to do a comedy and use acting to actually produce lols. Roflmaos should only be attempted if you are very comfortable being upside down. One important and often overlooked way to make something funny is to aggregate it. Take as many of the funny things as you have (Fred has 3 apples, and you give him 2 more. How many apples does Fred have?) and put them all together into one vidya.

This was brought to my attention by my pal Al "Uncy V" Villarreal who used to be the most powerful Digital Playground Monitor in all the land (more on that later). Arnold is our Governor in this great state of California and for good reason, because he's been in a movie with Sinbad (remember that not very funny portly black fella? No, not Bernie Mac but I'm still glad he's dead). This mashup really shows off his acting chops.

Speaking of acting chops, this mashup includes the full range of Fred Savage's acting ability. Like a white Sidney Portier this guy. Imagine some Clark Gable style Gone With the Wind shit. Acting so hard Errol Flynn would stop having sex with 14 year olds, that's how much acting. Scratch that, ACTING is the word. Shit is going to be written in a bold typeface. Also Michael "Fuck Yea Explosions" Bay.


Monday, October 11, 2010

Twofer Tuesday

At the HotDamn Institute for Higher Learning and Edumacationalmentology we are always making great strides to keep you on the cutting edge of both internet lulz and moderately serious alcohol abuse. This week's Twofer Tuesday is primarily about drinking. The only bad thing about drinking is that sometimes the delicious nectar is hidden behind a barrier of impenetrable glass, glass that shines like diamonds in the cruel afternoon sun.

We've all been there before. You're going to be coolest hipster around and drink some 2003 merlot out of a bottle at some kind of 6 day noncomformist music festival in the middle of Tennessee. You've already paid $300.00 for a ticket and you're wearing $735.00 worth of American Apparel but you've forgotten your corkscrew! Oh noooo. Luckily there is an alternative method to open wine bottles using nothing more than a classy dress shoe and your wits. Like MacGyver, only with a stupid checkered scarf or teal pants 2 sizes too small.

Anyone worth their molecular formula NaCl with a Molar mass 58.443 g/mol can open a beer bottle with a lighter, or another beer bottle for that matter. But certain people have developed techniques that just plain make them look cool. Ladies please prepare to become impregnated. While you're doing that, feel free to ignore the fact that the lever part of this operation will go crashing to the floor under most circumstances.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Drinking Game: Robin Hood: Men In Tights

There are few directors who can match the wit and jewey-charm of Mel Brooks. Robin Hood: Men in Tights is easily one of his funniest movies. This hilarious take on the Robin Hood mythos seamlessly blends satire and sight gags with hundreds of pop culture references and even nods to Brooks' own films. It is with the greatest of humility that I present to you this weeks drinking game.

STEP 1: Get a hold of "Robin Hood: Men In Tights" starring Farmboy from The Princess Bride.

STEP 2: ???

Drink when the following are said/heard:
Robin or Locksley (once)
"Robin Hood" or "Robin of Locksley" (twice)
Someone laughs like a MAN.
Triumphant music
Sheriff of Rottingham says shit all backwards. The Sheriff of Rottingham's speech impediment is called a "Spoonerism". (twice)
Mel Brooks movie reference
Musical Number or Rap song

Drink when the following are seen:
An arrow/multiple arrows are fired in the same shot*
Robin stands with his arms akimbo in a heroic pose
Silly visual puns / sight gags**
Blinkin fucks something up based on his severe handicap (ie punches someone, or falls off of a ladder)
Mel Brooks shows up (drink twice)
Mel Brooks Film reference
Pop Culture reference
Characters break the 4th wall***
Prince John's mole moves
Capt. Jean Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise shows up and ravishes a ho.

Finish your beer:
Someone wins an epic stick fight atop a bridge
Mel Brooks references his own movies with dialogue
Someone "walks this way"
Robin uses the "Patriot Arrow" and bullseyes the hell outta the target

*NOTE: I know in the beginning this is a bit silly, but so is the Snake Symbol from Conan! Stick with it you nerd.
**NOTE: Similar to the Epic Capes rule from The Adventures of Robin Hood game, use your own discretion. If you lol its probably what we were talking about.
***NOTE: I feel like we've probably already explained this, but "breaking the 4th wall" is when the character looks directly into the camera and/or talks to the audience.

Final Thoughts:
TK: This one has a good steady pace. Lots of recurring elements, lots of lulz to be had. G: Really the Robin Hood games write themselves. This was a delight to make, a real treat. Mark: I just turned 54 and what is this.


Twofer Thursday

TK writes:
Hey kids, Grant forgot to post Twofer Tuesday videos because he was too busy not doing calculus. In lieu of this I have decided to post a Twofer Thursday! The first video in Twofer Thursday comes to us all the way from the bowels of Russia? eastern Europe? All I know is that Zlad! is the best thing to happen to the music industry since Shawn Parker. Enjoy:

OFFBLAST! Clearly, the Cold War is still being fought. Bloggers note: this video is not really from eastern Europe or Russia, it's just made to look like it was. But it's still the most bodacious thing I've ever seen.

Time to crank up the sex factor! This next poast is a Youtube classic, originally hailing from some VHS health video apparently aimed at making either housewives or gay men eat bread:
Name one thing you've ever seen that's sexier than this. I know, you cant! We've been considering doing our own version of this starring Sean (Shady Mechanic) as the bread maker, and TK as the bread.
Well that's all for today. But it's high time we poasted more drinking games, so we vow to post at least one a week from now on, like we originally planned. Otherwise, how can we expect alcoholics like you to keep coming back to our site? Stay tuned for a "Kickass" drinking game soon in honor of "Kickass 2", which as of May is officially greenlighted by Hollywoodland.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Drinking Game: Stargate

This week's drinking game is not only fun, but informative as well. Not a lot of people know this, but Stargate is actually a nonfiction docu-drama. Dr. Jackson is a real life scientist, but most people know him by his nickname: "Action" Jackson. In real life he is a black man with a menacingly masculine beard.

STEP 1: Get a hold of "Stargate" starring Jack Burton
STEP 2: ???
- Drink when the following are said/heard:
Gate (one)
Star Gate (two) (or if its written, don’t be a bitch)
Egyptian/Shit with no subtitles
Kurt Russel complains about being a fish out of water
Anytime Dr. Jackson sneezes
Stargate theme music

Drink when the following are seen:
Each glyph gets locked in (you know when they're opening the Stargate the first time? it should equal an entire beer)
The eye of Ra
Flying ancient constructs
Whenever one of those nifty Egyptian God helmets open or close (drink half a beer)

Finish your beer:
When that one squishy faced Egyptian fella runs down the ramp and gets exploded
Whenever Dr. Jackson refuses sex with a hot lookin' Egyptian broad.

Final Thoughts:
Sean: MANY slow points. We need about one more thing to make it better. I only drank like 4 beers! I am of the opinion that people are more likely to cry off (quit) because they don’t wanna watch Stargate not because they are drunk. Grant: Agreed. There is something missing to make this a truly epic drinking game. Maybe we’ll just add a rule where you drink (optional) when ever you see sand? Hmm. Also needs moar fargates.