Wednesday, December 30, 2009


TK writes:
So yesterday there was a shooting at Barona Casino. A disgruntled former employee came to the casino, shot his former boss, and then turned the gun on himself. (click here for the news story) Anyway, as always we decided to turn tragedy into comedy. Enjoy.

Even Barona employees are making light of co-worker murder / suicide. Feels good man. Anyways I gtg, I'm having dinner at Barona with some freinds.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So Much Potential, Has Trouble Focusing on Tasks

Grant scribes:
Well I was supposed to post drinking games, but I didn't because I'm a pissflap. Instead I have decided to make myself available to all the super fine ladies out there that tune in to our (not mine) stupid (very) website full of vidyas. In a segment we here at damn hot radio station call: "We'll literally sleep with anyone"

Bachelor Number 17: Grant

My Idea of a great first date:

I would take you out for a dinner and tournament at Medieval Times and we would both yell at the serving wench when she refused to give us more than 2 beers. Then we would get pissed and leave and throw the rotisserie chickens they brought us at the Green Knight because he is a dick any way. After fending off security and the court wizard with nothing but our wits, an empty pitcher of ye olde Coca Cola and a handful of banners for the Red Knight (hell yea) we would make our way to the stables and feed the horsies carrots. :3

Turn Ons:

Hunchbacks, 4H members

Turn Offs:

Dudes and Dudes Butts

All this could be yours ladies! (no dudes)

In other news: Chris "Madfrog" Madero gives birth to La Chupacabra's love child?! The scandal! The horror! The kinky jungle sex! We'll tell all, next time we decide to write a blog post!

Also check out the kick ass Jew Xmas (with 80% moar lobster) and other stuff our gigantic and well funded New Media division has churned out.


Monday, December 28, 2009


From 2006 archives: THIS GUY IS A FUCKING ANIMAL

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Randomest Video Ever Shot

TK writes:
Recently while looking through my vast archives of gay pornography, I stumbled across an old sketch that I shot with my friend Aaron. This video is about 3 years old, and is the result of boredom and a very serious hangover. It took about 10 minutes to shoot. It's not funny enough to go on the website, so I thought I'd put it on the blog.
tl;dr It's an old video I found on my computer. Enjoy <3

Thursday, December 24, 2009

What Do Your Elf Eyes See?

Below, we have unaltered screenshots from The Lord of the Rings. But first, click here for our Christmas video <3

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Long Lost Footage!

Hey kids! TK recently found some old footage of Dan launching our current site back in September. Enjoy!

Look for a Christmas video on the site later tonight! HAPPY KWANZAA, FAGGOTS <3

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Medical Weed-pots

TK writes:
So Chris has mastered the art of pissing off his homeowners association. He's constantly smoking pot, and the neighbors assume he's some kind of serious drug kingpin and constantly call the cops on him (Fortunately Chris has his medical card, so his marijuana use is legally sound according to California Health and Safety code 11362.5). Well here's a fun fact: apparently if you have your medical card, you're legally allowed to smoke weed ANYWHERE THAT SMOKING CIGARETTES ARE LEGAL. Chris was smoking a joint outside and a cop came up to him to talk about his neighbors complaining, and Chris was like: "Do you want me to put out my joint?" And the cop said: "No sir, it would be illegal for me to tell you to extinguish that." LOLWUT
What kind of ass-backwards world is this when it's illegal for a cop to tell you NOT to smoke weed? Seems legit I guess. THANKS SDPD

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Drinking Games: Lisa's DUI

TK writes:
Hey kids, you remember Lisa, the prettiest girl in the country (Mexico)?

texts from last night:
Lisa > TK - 1:09 AM: "Totally not sober. Uh oh"

Lisa > TK - 9:30 AM: "Just got out of jail so you should prob call me sometime to figure out how to get your car out of impound <3 span="">
THE RACECAR IS IN JAIL!!!!1! HotDamnTV must get justice for this outrage! Write / email your local politicians and leaders to tell them that our racecar deserves its freedom (because after all, the HotDamnTV racecar has often been called the Nelson Mandela of comedy). You can contact Duncan Hunter, the U.S. House Representative for California's 52nd District by clicking here, and if you don't live in Poway, you can find out the contact information of your local representatives by clicking here. To send an email correspondence to Barack Obama's White House staff, click here.
You can also help support our cause by spitting / shitting on every cop car / transit cop that you see. Together we can get justice and FREE THE RACECAR!
*Update: One of the cops was going through Lisa's bag, and she told him: "well I aint passed the bar but I know a lil bit... enough that you won't illegally search my shit"
LOL she's a keeper <3 span="">

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Drinking Games: The Big Lebowski

TK writes:
Yo kids, I got a job shooting for Girls Gone Wild, and I'll be on tour with them for the next couple of weeks so I won't be tweet-blogging on this information super-highway for a while.

I'll leave you with this week's drinking game: The Big Lebowski. This game is very simple, the simplest we've posted so far. There are only two rules: Every time The Dude drinks a Caucasian / White Russian, you have to drink a Caucasian / White Russian, and every time The Dude drinks a beer, you have to drink a beer.

If you want to play in veteran/hardcore mode, take a hit off a bong every time he smokes weed. Enjoy! Next week Grant will post our most epic drinking game yet:

Friday, November 20, 2009

Drinking Games: Children of Men

TK writes:
Hey kids, I forgot to post the Children of Men drinking game on Wednesday, so with no further ado, here it is. Enjoy!

Drink once every time:
- Theo (Clive Owen) drinks alcohol or holds alcohol in his hand
- Jasper (Michael Caine) smokes weed or has a blunt in his hand
- Jasper (Michael Caine) asks someone to pull his finger
- A shot lasts longer than 1 min without a cut
- You see a random live animal(s) in the shot
- You see graffiti about The Uprising
- Blood gets on the lens
- A main (speaking role) character dies, or if their death is implied

Finish your beer if:
- You see a floating Pink Floyd pig OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
- A shot lasts longer than 4 min without a cut

If you haven't seen Children of Men, you're a savage. Watch in once without the drinking game (in widescreen, unless you're a jack-off), and then play it with the above rules. Click here to watch the Children of Men trailer.
Now click here to watch HotDamnTV's Twilight: New Moon parody trailer.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Grant on MTV's Next!!

3 years ago, Grant was on an episode of MTV's Next. We've been trying to get a copy of it for a long time, but it's proven difficult. FINALLY we found an old DVD of it lying around and we were able to rip it, convert it, and upload it to the tubes for your viewing pleasure!! (condensed for maximum GRONT) Enjoy!

Inside scoop: Grant totally had the greenlight from the director of the episode to walk off the Next bus TOTALLY NUDE but the girl chose the asshole right before Grant, so he never actually went off of the bus (making Grant 80% less famous than he would have been), however lulz still ensued. Protip: if you rub your nipples for 15 seconds they get hard as DIAMONDS.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

TK's Arrest Warrant

TK writes:
On Saturday, I received two things in the mail. One was a check with even MORE insurance money (Hey Lisa, wanna hang out?). The other was an official notice of a WARRANT FOR MY ARREST
omg omg omg
Naturally I was confused as to what the warrant was for, because I commit SO much crime all the time (see our Oct 22 blog entry). After much legal counsel (ie: drinking at an ICP show with Grant) I discovered that the warrant was issued because I forgot a court date for (here's where the comedy comes in) pissing in public. LOLOLOLOLOL ($2,500 bail)
Needless to say, my father is proud of me. I'd also like to take this time to point out that HotDamnTV is having a contest! Send a picture, paragraph, or video to describing why you're good at sex. One lucky winner will be allowed to give me conjugal visits when I'm on the inside!

Pic related, it's me holding a suppressed MP5 and a warrant for my own arrest.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

More fun with ducats $$$

Kids, you know Lisa, she's the pretty girl that we respected with TK's insurance settlement money. Lisa's little sister Haylie was less than pleased with her big sis' internet fame debut, and Lisa obliged me with a text-by-text:

H: "I'm ashamed of you"
L: *didn't respond cuz I was sleeping*
H: "I saw girl gone wild. gettin with guys for their money... sicko"
L: " "HAHAHAHA girls like money"
H:"at the same time im proud that you're famous on the internet via youtube"
L: "I don't think I'm famous yet... maybe one day"
H: "lol you realize their is a video of you feeling your boobs and having money thrown at you on the internet, right?"
L: "it's mostly a highlight of my life. I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes comedy"

She's a keeper <3 Look forward to a new sketch this week, also the 'Children of Men' drinking game will be posted on the blog on Wednesday AIGHT L8

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Drinking Games: The Spirit

In the interest of cirrhosis, we've decided to post a new drinking game every week starting now. This week: A drinking game based on Bill Eisner's "The Spirit" movie.

Drink once every time:
- The Spirit philanders a broad
- The Spirit talks about "the city"
- Someone gets shot
- You hear a kitten cat meowing
- A retard gets really fucked up / killed (Ethos / Pathos / etc)
- The Spirit Jumps over/off something or does unnecessary parkour
- Sam Jackson talks about eggs or his dislike of them on his face

Finish your beer if:
- You see a dinosaur OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE
- Sam Jackson dresses like a Nazi

Reviews: "I'm definitely pretty drunk and i didn't have to think about it. The movie kept me intrigued and I was interested even though I've seen it before. If TK was a superhero he would be The Spirit because he's obsessed with girls. Based on this experience I would like to try another Grant drinking game."

Have fun kids! Next week: a "Children of Men" drinking game by TK.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

HotDamnTV is back!!

We know that when you're lonely, touching yourself late at night, you're thinking of HotDamnTV and wondering: "Why are there no new videos lol?" The reason we haven't been making new comedy to pleasure you is because some eunuchs stole TK's car a while back, and ALL OF HOTDAMNTV'S GEAR WAS IN HIS TRUNK!
TK was promptly given 40 lashes for leaving over $9000 worth of a/v gear in his trunk in a lousy neighborhood. But don't fret kids, because our property was covered by insurance, and we'll be making new videos in no time!
For the time being, here's some camera-phone fun we had when TK cashed the insurance checks:

Look for a Twilight: New Moon parody trailer coming very soon! <3

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Real or Fake? I DUNNO LOL

lorem ipsum

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fan Fiction

Our fans love us. Here's a flattering link about TK, sent to us by Eric C.
Also this:

TK might get a job with Girls Gone Wild soon. Is this win?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Twilight: New Moon Interview!!!

Check it out! We totally got an exclusive interview with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!! XOMG

Srsly, make sure you check out our Twilight: New Moon Trailer parody, coming soon! Also, our brand new website should be launching in the next couple of days, shit is so cash. In other news, TK is going to LA this weekend for 2 reasons: to try to get Conan O'Brien to sign a copy of Conan The Barbarian, and to BE ON NATIONAL TV ON SUNDAY. That's right bitches, TK managed to get himself on some reality pilot, which they will be shooting in downtown LA on Sunday morning. Here's hoping his entire story doesn't end up on the cutting room floor! Videos will be posted soon of all these good times.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A Quote from Ben Franklin

"The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement."

tl;dr: Benjamin Franklin says Bag it and Tag it. Also cougars ftw. Bitches don't know about TRULY epic Ben Franklin quotes.


moar Kanye lolz

Monday, September 14, 2009

lol Kanye

Kanye West is a pretty cool guy I guess. Eh disrepects talentless cock-mongler Taylor Swift to her face and doesn't afraid of the VMAs.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Moar Megan Fox Sex Taep?!?!?!

Some newfag from MTV asks Megan the same question, essentially. Here is her response:

So you're saying... there's a chance?

Monday, August 31, 2009

inb4 v& LOL

Click to enlarge, bitch.

Twilight Colon New Moon SPOILER ALERT OMG

Alex writes:

we worked on some filming for the new hotdamn twilight/new moon related video

in it you will learn:

Why is kristen stewart’s voice so low?

Why edward cullen really left bella

Why that black vampire really wanted to eat bella


Who shot first, Han or Greedo?

Coming soon!

TK writes:

Another Rape at Duke

alex writes:

everyone remembers the alleged rape of a stripper by the duke lacross team a few years ago (duke lacross would be a great porn name by the way)

well were all about breaking news on the hotdamntv blog so here is the latest on another rape at duke university, this time involving the soccer team:

TK's car blow'd up!?!? Also "Internet Tough Guy"

TK writes:
That’s right, kids. The famous HotDamnTV 77 Racer (Brad’s Garage, Beer Pong FAIL, Nominal Racer, and many more) may get blown up on national TV if we’re lucky. I entered it in the “Conan, Please Blow Up My Car” contest for the Tonight Show. Basically, Conan is looking for the worst car in America, and when he finds it he’s going to blow it up with explosives on the Tonight Show, and then give the owner a brand new Lexus! Here is my entry:



Grant's Lulz: Juliet Edition

Break it up, nothing to read here. Also bothering Juliet is fun:


Barack Obama and the "N" word

alex writes:
I regret not voting for obama, but not for the reasons you would think.
I realise now if i had, i could make any racist joke i wanted.
Then, if anyone called me a racist i could just say “hey, i voted for obama!”
too bad i didnt think of this before the election. (Maybe in 3 years)
*sigh* ~regret~

Grant's Job Hunt: Vol 1

Read Tom’s post, mine is not funny. So I am poor (desperately so, read: Oliver Twist, Grapes of Wrath, shit like that) and I have been on a never ending quest to find a job. Unable to find a legitimate big boy job (ie one with a salary and benefits and 401k) I have sunk to attempting to land a job at GameStop (Inb4 Battletoads). I have been doing the opposite of what I normally do (campaign of terror) and I have been trying to impress these fellows by showing up and making my intent to be a grownup known. This evening I brought them cookies. :3 More to come.

Our final Comic Con video

Our final video from Comic Con. Enjoy! LOL B&

Partying with Megan Fox (for real, though)

TK writes:

Here is another epic story from Comic Con that most of you probably haven’t heard: How I crashed Megan Fox’s premiere party for Jennifer’s Body (written by Diablo Cody).

So on Thursday, me and Matt Holland (the guy who gave me his extra Comic Con badge) went to the Kickass panel (Kickass is an upcoming Mark Millar movie starring Nicholas Cage and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, it looks AMAZING). Matt got up to the mic to ask Millar to have a beer with him, and Millar said he would probably grab a beer at the Hyatt before he went back to Scotland or whatever.

With this in mind, Matt and I went to the Hyatt that night in an attempt to do some kind of legitimate Hollywood networking. We looked at both of the downstairs bars at the Hyatt but alas, no Mark Millar. We were about to leave when we saw a sign that said KIN Nightclub - 3rd floor. We thought “Mark Millar is Hollywood elite, he must be at this nightclub.” So up we went.

When we got upstairs, we were disappointed to find out that there were over 9000 security guards. We tried to tell one of them that we were there to see Mark Millar, and the guard was about to blow us off, but then he saw my Sony HVR-Z1U. He assumed we were press, and pushed us through to the girl with the VIP list. I read a name off the list when she wasn’t looking, and she gave us two beautiful Myspace wristbands, ensuring anyone skeptical that we did in fact belong there.

As we were walking, we passed this red carpet and saw every celebrity ever. XOMG STAN LEE

Then we went to the bar and this happened:

And then I woke up and experienced most of Friday’s Comic Con still wasted from Megan Fox’s party. I was definitely still drunk when I asked her to be in a sex tape with me. Personally I would have much rather just had a beer with Mark Millar, because he’s over 9000 times cooler than Megan Fox.

HotDamnTV's First Radio Interview

The time has come, my friends, to talk of many things. Of Comic-Con and Megan Fox, of cabbages and kings. TK was interviewed on the San Diego’s Rock Station 105.3’s Mikey Morning Show this morning and thanks to the almost quick thinking of myself it was recorded (mostly) for posterity. New shit y’all, NEW SHIT! Observe:


Moar Adventures of a Comic Con Virgin

I herd u liek comic con so I made another video about it. Also LOL SEX TAEP :D

I asked Megan Fox to make a sex tape with me LOL

TK writes:

“A guy gets halfway through asking Megan Fox a question about sex tapes before getting kicked out.”

- Katey Rich,

“In customary Hall H fashion, things quickly got sleazy and weird, with various men proceeding to propisition Fox. One guy with a shoulder-mounted camera asks Fox to star in a sex tape with him…”

- Nick de Semlyen,

“An audience member asks Fox if she’d be interested in a celebrity sex tape, and the audience boos him down. Brolin says, “I’d love to see what that guy looks like in 30 minutes.”

- Michael Buckner,

“Some moron asked Megan Fox if she’d be interested in helping him kick-off his film career by filming a sex tape. He was pulled away immediately.”

- Vic Holtreman,

Yeah that was me. (finally we’re getting some press) :D

List of Celebrities who pretend-hate us:

Aaron Ryder, John Landis, Edgar Wright, Russell Carpenter, Dewaldt Hicks, Mega64, and derrickcomedy.

List of Celebrities who actually hate us:

Megan Fox, Josh Brolin, and Ben Savage.


I’m so hungry. I was thinking about getting some McNuggets, but then I realized that they’re made out of gluten filler and AIDS. Also, I have Dinos in the freezer so if I’m going to eat processed chicken bits, they might as well be shaped like dinosaurs. FUCK YES

Here are the lunch options I’m considering:

  • Cock-flavored soup
  • Dinos FUCK YES
  • Dinosaur steak (not to be confused with Dinos, this is actual Tyrannosaur meat. rawr.)
  • 55 caps and stems of Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms, and one fluid ounce of LSD to wash it down
  • My 4-week-old nephew (sauteed)
  • Three crack rocks and a peanut
  • Soup-flavored cock
  • The Twitter bird
  • or a Hertz Donut


So our friend Juliet met Ben Savage at a club and he wanted to have sex with her. He managed to obtain her telephone digits by bragging about how many women he had had sex with in that particular nightclub. She didn’t know who he was and kept telling him that he sucked in Indiana Jones 4. He tried to explain that he wasn’t Shia LeBouf, and she replied: “Whatever, I wouldn’t admit it either, that movie sucks.” He would text her occasionally to invite her to parties, Vegas, etc.

Then one time we were all really drunk and she was passed out, so we took her phone and texted him: “I’m watching Boy Meets World and touching myself”. He never texted her again. Then Chris decided to forward Ben’s phone number to all of his friends and told them to call him and say how cool HotDamnTV is.

Chris still calls him occasionally.

Dead Celebs and Cat Sports

We know how much you all love cat pong, so we’re looking into some other cat sports. Is this win?

Also, HotDamnTV is a front for the mob. In reality, we are professional hitmen who killed Billy Mays, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcet, Ed McMahon, David Carradine, Karl Malden, and Steve McNair. We had to kill them because they were all witnesses in the harassment trial Ben Savage brought against HotDamnTV. (more on that later) <3

King of Pop Dies at 50

(AP) Earlier today, pop star Michael Jackson was admitted to a Los Angeles hospital. He was suffering from severe blunt trauma that he endured at the hands of a man who caught him fapping to cp of the man’s son. Mad lols ensued at the admitting hospital, where numerous children taunted Jackson: “Too old, do not want, LOL.” Jackson passed away when the mods banned his IP. Lifetime friend of Jackson, pedobear said the following at a press conference this afternoon: “LOL more delicious lolis for me FAPFAPFAP.” Pedobear has taken posession of all of dat CP on Jackson’s home computer, and plans to continue fapping in Jackson’s memory.

Upcoming video: Brad's Garage

Beer Pong Cat: A Response from TK

Daft Hands 2.0

Have you seen HotDamnTV's new video? Way better than Daft Hands imo.

Self-archiving FTW

TK writes:

I’m an uncle! I posted a video of my sister drinking half a bottle of vodka the day before her c-section and put it on the internet, is this win? Originally posted on the anonymous section of /ebaumsworld/ >:3

Pool's closed, dawg

TK writes:

Today, I wanted to edit our newest video, but the editing bay is down. So instead I will twitblog about HotDamnTV on the internetz.

In closing, I am a good big brother who gives scholarly advice.

HotDamnTV Hate Mail Vol. 1

It’s been a long time coming, but finally we offer you the first edition of HotDamnTV’s Hate Mail! Enjoy!
Name: Suckamyhalfblackcock     Email:
Subject: Oreo Jizz on your FACE      Message: You should
find some skeezy beezys to come for a ride on my mixed
color dip stick
Name: you FUCKER      Email:   Subject: fuck

Name: Your Secret Admirer      Email:
Subject: Photo Request Message: I just wondered if I
could request a collection of pictures of TK. In the
nude. Thanks.

Sneek Peek new NBC shows!!!!!1

TK writes: I’d probably get in big trouble if I got caught telling you this, but NBC is planning on rolling out another show for the new season that hasn’t been announced yet:

Law And Order: Heroes

It’s a crossover. I smell an Emmy.

Srsly tho, NBC fall lineup is gonna be sweet. (My personal vote is for Community, because Yvette Nicole Brown is in it, and we're essentially bffs.)

In closing, Tim Romo.

Feeling Down?

This picture made me laugh because this kid is on a soccer field kicking a ball, but it's a basketball.

Disclaimer: The President of HotDamnTV spent nearly 10 years in special education, so we’re allowed to make fun of retards. Kind of like how black comedians are allowed to say the n-word.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Top Ten Reasons Why HotDamnTV Sucks

10. Hot girls and celebrities hate it.

Rape jokes. Not okay.

Some of those actors are on pot.

7. The president of the company is Italian.

Not enough Grant.

More rape jokes.

4. There's
too many snipers in this vi-

Not good enough for Conan O'Brien.

Not good enough for John Landis.

And the number 1 reason why HotDamnTV sucks:



If you'd like to go on a date with this guy, click here. Or call him. Seriously.


TK writes: I was trolling Craigslist for ~FREELANCE~ work, when i found some dosher who was bitching about unpaid internships. Being an unpaid intern myself, I clicked the link out of curiosity. This guy had posted a link to a website which says what employers can and cannot do with interns:

“The training, even though it includes actual operation of the facilities of the employer, is similar to that which would be given in a vocational school… The employer that provides the training derives no immediate advantage from the activities of the trainees and on occasion the employer’s operations may actually be impeded

- U.S. Department of Labor

Basically, the employer is not allowed to benefit from the intern, they have to treat you like a student and actually try to teach you shit. Really? What company has time to do this? Does ANYONE treat interns as anything other than free labor? NBC sure didn't :D


pic related, it's Obama at a Dept. of Labor press conference.

Grant's Lulz Volume 1

Grant makes a funny sometimes, and then he puts it on the blog.

Chris Brown?

Last night, there was an epic car chase all over my city. Juicy gossip: it’s Chris Brown, and he’s depressed, and he beat his wife or something! Cool! I left work at about 11:15 to find 1000 copters, police, and paparazzi all over the god damn place. I was like XOMG wat celebrity @_@ So I called my friend Grant to tell him how exciting my life is. Today he sent me this comic showing how cool it was on his end!

Turns out the guy killed himself or something, but it wasn't Chris Brown so it's cool.

Happy V-Day!!!

Last year, TK was producer on a dramedy spec pilot about dealing with your ex on Valentine’s Day. He hoped it would be ready to show before Valentine’s Day. It’s not. In it’s place, we give you this:

Michael Phelps

We finally made our Michael Phelps / weed video:

here it is:

CLICK HERE for Phelps on Kellogg’s

Alex writes:

i don’t wanna give too much plot away but i play a newscaster: marty oheta(a totaly original name)

interesting fact: news stands for north east west and south

ok its not that interesting, but impress your friends with your new knowledge

FRIEND: “hey phil how was your weekend?”

YOU: “did u just ask me what news means?”

Wait, another HotDamnTV blog?

Importing all HotDamnTV blogs to a new blog for backup.