Tuesday, July 23, 2013

HORRORS of Craigslist! (part i)

Welcome my little friends to the darker side of one of the most useful and spookiest places on the internets!  This is HORRORS OF CRAIGSLIST~!  Each thread of this tapestry of woe and misery will be woven together before your very eyes.  Witness if you dare, the first installment that removes the rose tinted spectacles and reveals true unpleasantness and shocking audacity on the world's largest free classified page.  Read on fellows, if you're a bad enough dude.

part i: Free Palm Trees

The free section of craigslist is amazing.  I've gotten myself a dryer that more or less works, something like half a dozen trampolines, even a full sized arcade machine!  But it has a darker and much more sinister side.  Are you familiar with freebie marketing, also known as the razor and blades business model?  Its kind of like that.  Or more accurately the ol' bait and switch.

You show up to the free section of craigslist and think to yourself, "Lamb sakes, would you look at this?  Some kind and benevolent soul is offering me not one but FIVE free palm trees?  Holy crow that is an exceptional deal.  I'm going to tweet the pope right now and start the beatification process because this guy is some kind of modern day Pope Pius XII (Hitler's pope lol, you can look it up he was actually not that cool)."

But my dear friend you are wrong.  As with anything in the free section of listo del Craig you have to think about the other end of the poker table.  Why would someone be giving away perfectly good crap?  Because removing gigantic fucking palm trees costs serious time, money, and effort!  Even if you weren't going to save it or replant it (seriously dude?) and just chop it down that alone is a bill from your boy Ernesto with several zeroes in it.  Let's take a closer look.

AH HAH~!  That's the kicker right there.  Who in there right mind would want to do this?  Much like the other horrors of craigslist I ask myself, "Is anyone actually stupid enough to fall for this obvious bid for free labor and/or junk removal?"
I guess I should blur that guy's number, unless you dear reader are VERY excited about his free palm trees.


There, much better.  Nice and respectful of the ol' privacy and such like, wot? Wait, back that minecar up, are those free pine trees beautiful AND 30ft tall?  Let me run right out and strap 3 of them to my '94 Saturn SL2.

On a scale of 1 to SPOOOKY this ad rates a 4/5, not too original but if you are stupid enough to fall for it woe unto thee!  The lesson here my precious little curly haired maidens is do not even bother clicking on a free palm tree post.  Use your noggins for something other than a hat rack!


PS: Know of any horrors of craigslist we should know about?  Drop us a line here in the comments or on our learning challenged facebook page!  While you're here you should probably subscribe to our jazz and also go to the facemash and join that!  We will love you forever and let you play with our Army Men in the sandbox.

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