Monday, August 9, 2010

An attempt to... derive comedy.





Well the time has come pals. I know why most of you are here, its for the dirt. My number. My ditry little secret. I am now going to attempt to


write one of the most brutal blogs I've ever posted. This blog is about failure.
Set the way back machine to.. oh golly, about the year 2006. It was a warm and bright summer full of potential. Full of cute nubile co-eds who weren't particularly interested in having sex with or near me. Little did I know it would be full.. of failure. And that was my first time. Like many of your first times it was full of embarrassment and ended in about 4.5 hours of crying (you can ask your Mom about that).

I have failed Calculus 9 times. Including this most recent one. Well I got a D, but I failed it. I am no closer to graduating college and I effectively wasted $500.00 which I could have spent dosing myself with GHB, but that is neither here nor there. (See transcript at left)

Let's take a look at the reasons why I failed Calculus, and then try to determine where to lay the blame. Which party is responsible.

Reasons I Failed:
  • The Jewish run leftist media in Hollywood
  • President Rutherford B. Hayes (First Lady Lucy Webb Hayes carried out her husband's orders to banish wines and liquors from the White House.)
  • Not enough time, I worked part-time and full-time on mostly graveyard hours (not the best decision)
  • THE UNIVERSITY VILLAGE when I lived there it was literally an AA meeting without the support and step filled programs, but with all of the serious alcohol dependency problems. (lol it was fun.)
  • Lack of motivation, for the majority of my time at CSUF all of my tuition was paid for by the Veteran's Bill on account of my Dad being a real man and serving at the President's pleasure on his majesty's royal Navy. (See photo at right for an idea what a real man looks like)
  • Lack of effort. I am by nature a very lazy person (read: SO much potential) and also afflicted by a fair-moderately serious case of ADD, so when there was a chance to let a class slide it always just kind of ended up being Calculus.
  • Final Fantasy XI. I logged something like 2 years of real time playing (and not playing) that game. I was seriously addicted to that MMORPG, and it was definitely a major contributing factor to my plummeting GPA.
People Who's Fault It Isn't:
  • Mine.

"Laugh and the world laughs with you - cry and you cry alone" - Legit Quotation

EDIT: Grant Writes: lol.. i mean 9.

5 comments:

  1. This looks like a job for...EDWARD JAMES OLMOS!

    ReplyDelete
  2. At least you haven't had an abortion or a divorce yet, Grant.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're why we can't have nice kegs, GRONT, :'(

    ReplyDelete