Friday, March 4, 2011


Well its like this pals, initially I was planning on writing about today is Catherine O'Hara (aka the mom from Home Alone and Sally from Alternative Hipstery Before Christmas) and Mykelti Williamson aka Bubba from Forrest Gump's birthday today. It was going to be a very funny but highly time sensitive blog. I got the idea for this last week before I realized that the motherfucking Oscarcast was going down. So we're writing about that.

Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Writing - The King's Speech

This year was definitely the year of the stuh stuhhh stammer. The King's Speech took home an awful lot of hardware. I'm going to be honest, I've seen it and it is really good. Better than 127 Hours or Black Swan? Maybe, but not by much. I feel like Danny Boyle and James "Venom from Spiderman 3" Franco deserved a bit more credit though. I think if you can make 55 minutes of James Franco stuck under a boulder and 20 minutes of him wandering about a canyon until he bumps into a heap of Dutchmen interesting to watch you deserve some Oscar Gold. Colin Firth was AWESOME in The King's Speech so I'm comfortable giving him the double-you for his actoring, but Danny Boyle should have gotten a bit of love. Case in point, observe the video I made for illustrative purposes:

Best Actress - Natalie Portman

So I went and saw Black Swan with TK and Dr. Mr. Alex Wolf. The Wolf's room mate (who is/was knocked up if I recall, but that kid ain't mine. But yea, I totally would) or someone works at a theater so we get mad respect. We show up with a 1/5th of Brandy and we proceed to enjoy the shit outta this movie.

I never thought I'd care much for a movie about ballet but this is a rich tapestry of paranoia and tension. An interesting portrait of the stress involved when your time in the sun can be cut short in an instant because the show must go on. But srsly the only thing I love more than ballerinas is gymnasts. Juliet is a gymnast. Summer Glau is a ballerina. Feels great.

Best Foreign Language Film - In A Better World

Most people don't give a fuck about the Foreign Language Oscar. I'll bet you couldn't name this years winner, you haven't seen it, AND you can't name any other winners of the past. Ever. This is the 83rd Academy Awards, I'll bet the only other Oscar people give fewer fucks about is the Best Title Writing (only given out in 1928). I haven't seen it either, do not become alarmed. Not for lack of trying though, I searched torrent websites for at least 10 minutes trying to get a copy. The only reason I do care is because of one of the other nominees, Dogtooth. Which is a very fresh and very strange Greek movie that contains scenes of probable wincest, a 18TPY girl bashing out her teeth with a 5lb (kilogram? lol) weight, and kitten murder. You have to watch it, it is a very strange movie, I'll have to write a blog just talking about it later. Here, have a taste of the surreal:

Best Cinematography, Best Visual Effects - Inception

Inception was tight. The top never falls, it was all a dream. We can have a Deckard Replicant debate about it but fuck you the ending was intentionally ambiguous and I think it was all a dream. Wanna fight about it? Inception was very pretty and I'm very comfortable with it getting an award for its trouble. We liked Inception so much we even ripped off some of it for a video. See pic at right, from Inception, not from a hotdams vidya.

Best Original Score - The Social Network

Jewey Eisenberg didn't win any awards for acting like Moot from 4chan, but that didn't stop this years pseudo-docudrama with mostly factual information from winning this years Best Original Score Oscar. I feel like this is kind of bullshit though, having Trent Reznor make music for a movie about the early 00s is kind of cheating. It'd be like having Elvis write the music for a movie about the 50s. Also Hot Damn TV is 6'4'', 240lbs and there's two of us (see pic at right). I just don't like The Social Network because I'm the same age as Zuckerbeard and I work at a gas station.

That's it buds, my official Oscar roundup. Some other people won some other shit, but I don't know what a Foley is or a Best Boy, so fuck it.


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