Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Twofer Tuesday

Music today fucking sucks. The worldwidetubenetwork makes it possible for every aspy (that's short for aspergers, ya know that made up disease that every weirdo on the internets has? I called him that because its not nice to call people retarded or say they have downs.) kid who bangs on a chair to get a record deal based on never saying never and growing up (to the age of 14) to look like a 30 year old butch lesbian. To paraphrase Insane Clown Posse's Violent J:
"Parents hate our music because its rock and roll. Parents are always gonna hate rock 'n roll. Shit, in the future when there's aliens and shit we're all going to be saying to our kids "Turn down that fucking moon music that shit sucks!" Ya know? Cuz its rock 'n roll so its fresh."

-Violent J

This vidya has been making the rounds on the chams for a few weeks now. I've seen image macros about "Fraiiiiday" and shit like that and managed to resist the temptation to observe it, but I gave in and I was amazed. Who is this Rebecca Black? The official answer according to the JEW RUN MEDIA is that she was created by Ark Music Factory, a shady organization that allows parents to try to buy fame for their tweens. But HotDamnTV dug a little deeper and found some new information. According to the twilight saga wiki:
"Rebecca hadn't been home once since she got married, though she did have a good excuse. Plane tickets from Hawaii were pretty pricey."

―Jacob Black on Rebecca

Rebecca Black is a Quileute woman, twin sister of Rachel, older sister of Jacob and daughter of Billy and Sarah. She married an unnamed Samoan surfer when she was eighteen and moved to Hawaii, partly to get away from the memory of her mother who died in a car crash. Jacob, no matter how much he misses her, only mentions her a few times. She and Bella Swan were childhood acquaintances.
Though great pains have been taken not to mention her burgeoning music career and her indecision as to which seat she wants to take, based on my painstaking internets detective work she's obviously some kind of gay werewolf or gay vampire. This song is incredible, autotune has become so popular that the kids seem to feel obligated to use it, especially when singing/talking the word Fraiiiiiiiday.

I wish I could remember how I stumbled upon this vidya. I feel like it had something to do with me googling haxx for Call it Duty: Black Cops. Seeing this must have been a lot like Moses seeing the burning bush (heh bush), or meeting Jesus after he respawned 3 days later. Its pretty obvious that some one spent considerable amounts of money filming this: they have a concert venue fully stocked with tweens and more glow bracelets than a raving music festival, a legit stretch limo, and at least $200 worth of old xbox games, $40 if they're all copies of Madden 2008. I tried to visit their website, but it is unfortunately down for repairs/upgrades or some shit and has just a picture of the band. The url on the vidya redirects to Jerrywatson.com... and that is a website about a fucking fire lookout tower in Georgia or something... so.. whatever that is. Ask me if I was going to try to book them to play in my living room with all the Adsense money that Google sent us. Yes, yes I was.


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