A few questions remained unanswered though. Who would give me this birthday sex? Like the robot once said,
"It takes two to play a game of Global Thermonuclear War,"
and smooshing requires a similar number of participants (1-5 depending on which state you're in). I ventured out in search of a likely female of breeding age and inclination in search of certain things. The results were decidedly negative, but I never do anything if I don't think at least someone will find it funny.
|So I figured I'd check with Emily, my first agent/entertainment lawyer and in house counselor ever. She's a very good sport.|
|Undaunted I pushed onward, casting my line and hoping for a little nibble. Acting on E's sage advice, I boldly tried again.|
|Things progressed swimmingly from that point on, I turned back to the facemash to try my luck.|
|A very good friend of mine is a brightly colored crayon named Christine, but she was a bit too far away to sign up for any kind of coitus.|
|Some people did not react at all.|
|Stacey, who was perhaps the most interested of all, was easily distracted.|
|The best way to keep your website online is to ask your webmaster's girlfriend if she wants to breed.|
|The first girl to ever have sex with me didnt seem to be interested in giving it another try. She is no longer impressed with me or my mustache.|
|Pei Pei was easily the runner up in terms of being interested.|
|The prettiest girl in Tennessee unfortunately seems to have developed a case of very bad taste, but if she was here I'm sure she'd be interested.|
But actually I had a really awesome birthday. I kissed a pretty girl on the mouth several times, had duck tacos, made friends with a squirrel, drank 3 liters of Stone beer, and had delicious foods and beers from Haven Gastropub. Felt great. Also my twin brother turned 26 too, but he is a dickshit so this blog is all about me.