Monday, January 31, 2011

Everywhere I look.. Juggalos

It is widely known that I am a pretty serious juggalo. I own more than 150 Insane Clown Posse T-Shirts, jerseys, panties, and socks. Essentially I spend my days and nights doing really serious juggalo stuff and trying my best to fashion a Grant that 90% of females are not interested in sleeping with. This affords me some unique insight. In addition to keeping tabs on what's going on in the world of clowns and delicious bargain brand soda pop my encyclopedic knowledge of the Psychopathic world allows me to notice certain things that other people might miss.

Take 2008's runaway hit "The Rocker" (aka "The rocker - Il batterista nudo" - Italy) starring Dwight Schrute. On the surface its a story about The Jonas brothers only with some jail bait, a fat dude, and some weirdo creeper thrown in for the lulz. But look a bit closer. The T-Shirt this fat boy is wearing is the cover of 1/2 of Insane Clown Posse's double album release for Halloween of 2000 release entitled Bizzar. A very fresh album that spawned a music video that even saw a little bit of MTV air time (at 3 in the morning). Although only visible on screen for a few seconds ninjas that have sharp beady eyes (me) noticed it.

In the year 2009 ICP enjoyed some very serious internets when their video Miracles went more viral than Meningitis, which by the way is up to 5.8 million observations. Holy shit. We already spoke about that though. Miracles isn't the only place to observe some serious juggalo shit though, does anyone remember a little film called "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li"? No, its not the fresh as shit movie starring JCVD and Raul Julia, this one is an abysmal lurching abomination starring the very f-wordable Kristen Kreuk. I can probably write about 300 words about the dreadful things I'd do to her.

The film meanders about trying its damndest to do that whole "character development" whatsit and make you give a half a damn about a white girl Chun Li (very similar to how the white man butchered the Dragonball mythos into some awful pile of shit with a white guy) until eventually Chun Li becomes a wicked hot hobo. She slums it around in Bangkok (lol) for a while and manages to avoid all rapes and obtain free egrolls from hideous Thai broads. One scene has her waking up after sleeping on a bridge or some shit and she walks by a guy wearing THIS SHIRT.

I had to hit paws (mew mew) on the video and observe it again. Holy shit sir, I own that shirt. Not only is it an Insane Clown Posse shirt, but its a tour shirt from one of the best tours they've ever done. Imagine if you will Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Anybody Killa, Dark Lotus, and Insane Clown Posse all playing on the same bill. If none of those names mean anything to you, then fuck you, but its on the same level of like Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and Ke$ha (pronounced Kay-Ee-Dollar Sign-Hah) all playing the same show.

Fucking neat. Just goes to show that there are juggalos all around you, not in the Fight Club they cook your food and keep you safe kinda way, but its neat just the same. Shit, even Kane Hodder the guy who plays the unstoppable Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th is a juggalo. So is Vanilla Ice. So is your mom. Keep an eye open for those hatchetman chains fellas, cuz they're all around you.


Ask Marit why I love this song.


  1. Someone carved "faygo" into wet concrete outside the grocery store I go to, it throws me into a violent fit of dissapointment and rage, first that I know faygo is the drink of choice for juggalos (why do i know this? magnets, how do they work?) second that there is a juggalo living near me somewhere...creepy

  2. Maybe he meant to write "Fargo" and is a huge fan of Steve Buscemi. I don't think we can rule anything out at this point.

  3. Actually, I am a Juggalo and Faygo is not my drink of choice, although it is damn tasty.